Parenting Wisdom for Lance Armstrong

Posted on October 17, 2012 by Stephen Abbott

Lance Armstrong should have listened to this parenting wisdom:

The punishment for lying will always be worse than the punishment for the action.

Taking responsibility for our actions is a fundamental value. As parents, it’s how we teach fairness, empathy and ethics to our children. It how we learn to understand the consequences of our choices so we can make better choices in the future. Taking responsibility is how we honour apologies; how we allow ourselves to forgive and move forward.

The world of alleged lies is crashing down around Lance. Nike—a brand based on elite performance—has dropped their relationship, not only because of the doping, but because of the decade of lies. More than likely, people would have forgiven the transgression at first—most people believe the sport is rampant with drug abuse at the highest level. We’d forgive and move forward. Ten years of lies is different.

Poor choices happen. But lies and deceit reveal something different about our character. It reveals a deeply engrained selfishness that can’t be trusted.

Parents know this. That’s why the punishment for lying is always worse.

Posted in Current News, Rules, Sports, Values | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

No do-over.

Posted on October 12, 2012 by Stephen Abbott

We have a law in Canada that allows you to seal your juvenile criminal record. Our court system recognizes that young offenders should not permanently be held accountable for the errors of youth once they’ve become adults. From shoplifting to murder, with few exceptions, it can’t follow you around forever.

Some people don’t like this law, some respect it. Good or bad, it’s the ultimate do-over.

Unlike this law, your behaviour on social media can follow you forever. If you post “I hope you die” on someone’s Facebook account when you’re 14, this fact can be part of your life when you are 25, 45 or 60. You’re a bully, and you’re branded for life.

I am willing to excuse youthful drinking binges, misguided sexting, or even a little frump about your first employer—we’ve all been young and foolish, and sometimes our first job sucks. And these indiscretions are at your expense—they are your own social consequences.

But if you’re a social media bully—a cruel, predatory, selfish bully—I will always assume you are capable of being mean. I will always know what sort of callous disregard for another human being you are capable of. There is a line many people never cross—a line of humanity, compassion and civility—but if you tell someone to die, or go out of your way to tell someone they’re an uglystupidbitchnerd, you’ve crossed it. I can’t imagine how you think that is okay, even as a youth.

This kind of callous behaviour has always existed in the school yard, but limited to those within ear-shot and a memory. Now the whole world is within earshot, and we have a very good memory. You’re mean, and we all know.

Perhaps social media makes you feel safer because it’s so removed. It should make you feel incredibly, permanently exposed.

No do-over.

———–

Note: Kids, please don’t ever think you’re alone. There’s always someone to talk to. Reach out. Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (in Canada).

Posted in Bullying, Culture, Current News, Rules, That's Not Right, Values | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How can you be so poor with so much money?

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Stephen Abbott

I often travel through the Downtown Eastside (DTES) with my child.

If you don’t know, Vancouver’s DTES is regarded as one of North America’s “worst” neighbourhoods, if “worst” is defined by poverty, drug use/abuse, homelessness, urban decay and petty crime. Yet for all the negative impressions, it’s simply a colourful, dynamic urban neighbourhood that is safe, as long as you use some common sense.

We don’t avoid the neighbourhood when we have to travel through it, and there are a few great shops and eateries that are worth the trek. It’s also a healthy dose of reality.

  • We learn that even at their least fortunate moments, people can be incredibly kind.
  • We learn that mental health is not a joke. People who struggle with mental health issues face deep demons just to survive every day.
  • We learn that everyone—absolutely everyone—once had a family, but sometimes their support systems break down.
  • We learn that no one can be judged simply by the way they look.
  • We learn that dependency on drugs destroys people and their dreams; and no one wanted their dreams destroyed.
  • We learn that life doesn’t always go the way you planned. Support, flexibility, ethics and compassion are tools of survival for everyone. Dignity is fragile.
  • We learn we are fortunate, no matter how much yesterday might have sucked.

I hate sympathy television. The latest show in this genre—Secret Millionaire—features people who give back after becoming rich (if “rich” is simply defined as having access to more money than the average person). I would argue they aren’t rich. The families featured seem to have been separated from normal society, and each of them is “shocked” to discover the world of poverty and charity going on right under their noses.

I don’t know how much money ones needs to ignore poverty so much that the reality is actually erased from your mind. I don’t know how shallow a person has to be to forget about people who are less fortunate, as if they simply don’t exists. I don’t know how disconnected you have to be to miss all the charity and compassion that exists just to make people’s lives a little better.

I don’t know how much money you need to have—just to be so poor.

Posted in Adventures, Diary, Values | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Adventures of a Really Cool Cook

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Stephen Abbott

I realize I could spend a lot of time posting about Really Cool Dads and our love affair with all things food. But that would make this a foodie blog, and that isn’t my intention. Instead, check out Really Cool Cooks. It’s a fun blog about my comfort food lifestyle.

Beer + Lemonade + Raspberries + Vodka. Awesome.

I will use that space to review foods, share recipes and techniques, explore the cultures of food, and even share a little bit of my comfort food philosophy. It will be a fun blog, and I hope you take a look.

Of course, I will still talk about food and kids here on the Adventures of a Really Cool Dad. There are still too many adventures to be had in the kitchen.

To start, I recommend you try the best summer drink recipe. It’s a perfect poolside drink, or bbq party cocktail. I probably don’t have to tell you it’s not something to share with your kids, but here’s the warning, just in case. Don’t share it with your kids.

Posted in Adventures, Cooking, Diary, Food, Inspirations | Leave a comment